Stupid me I have gone and done it again. I should have known what would be the result after the time.....it wasn't repeating a mistake. It was a fucking choice and I paid the price. The wound has been reopened when I was getting over it or trying to.
Yes, Mr ---- called. I asked him was the woman still there with him, he told me the woman was his girlfriend and was sitting next to him did I wish to speak to her. I said at first not, but the motherfucker managed to talk me round asking did I want to patch things up and get high, he sniffed loudly so I could hear. Pathetic I know but I had not had anything decent for a while as my usual man is away, there is a slight drought still and I have not got much money. Eventually she got on the phone and apologised to me for new year, I apologised for my texts.
The poor bitch. I hated her but I actually began to feel for her....she told me she knows what I was going through, knows the man ripped my heart to shreds and that I am still not over him, under my circumstances her reaction would have been the same as mine. He is now being a brute with her and she can see the end may coming and like me she has few female friends.....and may need one to turn to. I said I would be there for her and we would meet away from him.....we may have things to share.
Meanwhile there was another woman he had invited over who he was flirting with openly in front of both of us....and vice versa. Mr ----'s current 'girlfriend' said she did not like this woman and wished she would leave. Just as she had once wished for me to leave. Although I was not as jealous as she was and have resigned myself to the man's character, I agreed with her.
Now here comes the crunch. His mate comes out with the gear, who I had met before. It wasn't great enough gear to get shitwrecked but enough to get a bit high and act like clowns. Now this guy comes onto me, I kiss him then we go to the Sauna. I pour my heart out saying how his friend has broken my heart, while he makes no comment he says he can see I have been hurt.
We go back upstairs, he wants to go to the spare room but I want to go in Mr ----'s room. I can't shag his mate while he is in bed with another woman. His mate is actually younger and not bad looking, normally the type I would like and with gear as well.....but in these circumstances I can't.
Mr ---- gives his 'girlfriend' a diazepam, I respond by saying I won't be able to sleep and have a strong sleeper. He says shut up with my drug talk, I answer back by saying he started it by mentioning tablets, he responds by saying shut up now as I was 'pushing him'. I said ok then Caligula, he said right I had done it now, get the hell out of his room. I said I was sorry, he said it was too late, I had upset him and he could not bear to be in my company for a while. I asked him why was he ao mean, he replied he was 'the nicest man I would ever meet'. Implication being I had better not fuck up if I wanted him back in my life ever. I told him my ex used to say the same thing.....he said 'My name is not Jason, it is Rich (I give him that pseudonym as he brags about how much money he has (not really it is all in assets and he bullshits, he admitted to me not long back he is debt and his assets are in the minus). He could fuck up big time, sometimes I care but other times I thing why the fuck should I. So he tells me to get out, I say I had better as I don't want to make him mad. He replies indeed I don't, as I have witnessed the consequences of 'making him mad' before and it is not a pretty sight, at least we can agree on that much.....
His mate comes with me into the other room and we have no gear or booze just tobacco. He says Rich might have some but not to disturb him. I am not happy I nearly throw my glass at the wall but restrain myself. After ten minutes I say fuck it, let's go and ask for some. So we knock the door and walk in, he is busy shagging my new friend (the other woman left a while ago) and asks to give him ten minutes. I go back in the spare room crying, I tell his mate that this is too much. I lose my sleeper, we go looking for it and can't find it. I continue crying and can't chill out, the guy suggests I go to sleep. I say I can't. He knocks on Rich's door, he gets no reply. So I knock and call for her to come out instead, I ask her can she please ask him to call me a taxi back to where I am staying as I can't sleep there, I feel sorry for his mate who he no doubt led to believe would get a shag, but what could I do?
Rich starts speaking to his 'girlfriend' like dirt and gets tight fisted with the cab fare money. His mate pulls him up he replies he gave me ten pounds I needed another to get back and wasn't I cheeky. She speaks to me and says what a bastard he is he should not have invited me over it was cruel.....I agreed but said the only good thing about it was making peace with her. To divide and rule 'his girls' is how the man operates, I see that now.
He has calmed down, the cab arrives I say bye darling. I say goodnight to his friend and give him my number, asked him to text me his in case I need anything. He doesn't, maybe because he can see my emotional state.
I text Rich in the morning, tell him he was wrong. He replies he is 'always there for me' and I 'should be happy for him'......that he has found a new doormat who takes more shit than I was prepared to? I say for a man to tell a woman who is not over him that she should be 'happy for him' that he is happy without her, with someone else is too much to ask and anyway he did not seem too happy. Nor did she for that matter, but I left out that bit. He makes her dress in a kinky schoolgirl looking dress so her knickers show. She lets him cane her.
I said to expect me to go round and shag his mate while he shags someone else in the room next door in the bed I once shared with him was a little too much. He apologised and told me it will not happen again. I accepted the apology as to get one from him is rare.
Meanwhile I saw the movie 'Caligula' last night and it was filthier than any porn I had ever seen......the character reminded me a bit of someone. God knows what he would be like was he the American President....the mind does not dread to think! Anybody who dared oppose Mr ----......perhaps he would be better as the dictator of a Latin American country with plenty of coca leaves along with other resources to tap into.....
Meanwhile I have my plans, but books cannot be published overnight my funds are low and I need to earn again.....I have found a new site where I can meet guys with money (and possibly more) so I need not walk the fucking street in order to maintain relative comfort....and find my own place as I am staying at a friends, my former landlords have most of my luggage as well. Wish me luck xx