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Sunday, 29 January 2012

Struggling to Sort My Mess Out....

I have been quiet these last few weeks. The good news is that I have been coming up with some new material, and I have a new guitar as my stalker held my cheap acoustic to ransom, the sleazy fucker. Only cost me £20 so was not worth the hassle to get back...... I have not seen Mr----- since the beginning of the month, can't say I never miss him but in the long run I am likely better off without a misogynist psycho like him in my life. Just don't know why I am incurably attracted to men like that then get upset when it inevitably ends in tears as they are not the types to stay around forever. I have not been feeling well mentally or physically, I have been out of coke, diazepam and have still been physically suffering slightly cos of the opiates I no longer take. The coke thing has not entirely been my choice, my source is away and all I can get at the moment is crap gear, but last Saturday and last night I took some because there was fuck all else and I wasn't prepared to run around hedging my bets. In order to get another connection it would mean going into clubs and pulling rich guys, and I can't be arsed with the hassle right now of dealing with more douchebags, but I will stick to my guns of keeping it to weekends. But I have joined the facebook pages of those certain clubs, I have not become a good girl all of a sudden. Have not turned a trick for three weeks either as I have been in no frame of mind to, and no point if no decent gear anyway. I need money for other things so it will get to the point when I will need to join an agency but I intend to avoid street prostitution. I have been having some wacky dreams. Withdrawing from benzos (which I stopped as they lost their effect) is not nice, nor is insomnia caused by that and the dreams caused by my lack of senotonin, they are vivid and scary. But I feel better, took a pill last night that actually worked, gave me a chilled buzz and mixed with (crap) coke guess it was the nearest thing I could have to a speedball, but the tablet took away my will to go out dancing so I just chilled alone and enjoyed best as I could. Next week must start my book, and I intend to register for a screenwriting course, easier to complete than my failed degrees. Wish me luck, and hope all of you are well x

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