This about sums it up...and it does keep on happening. Knows just to what to say, and I am not blind. Lies, lies.
Wish I could say it does not hurt but it does. It is like a knife.
Meanwhile I have been good in some ways, not been drinking so much but popping pills to calm down. No coke since Mon which is good of me of late, must smoke less before that kills me. Sometime I will post my own lyrics here as well as music vids. And fuck it, I'll get high tomorrow to relieve the pain.
The sad thing is if he calls I probably will go back but I won't dwell for now or try not to, just do my damndest to sort my life out. I nearly got kicked out of that place (where I hardly ever stay now) as I forgot the rent top up, then a friend bailed me out. Had I no belongings I would couch surf but all my goods are there. The guys were an ok bunch when I moved in but not now, they leave the bathroom filthy, the lounge stinks of rubbish (and unwashed men who are used to being homeless....I aint) and they steal kitchen utensils so you can't cook there, plus my favourite vest got nicked. One guy stole my food and I was told by a staff member 'we must give him a chance'. Fuck that. Why should I give some theiving smackhead a chance? Ok for a middle class social worker to say who only has a sociology degree and not been down with those type of guys. I am sick of them. Longing for my freedom and for love x