Just to say hope I not bored you to death with the endless vids....but for those who have the patience to watch and listen they are about what goes on in my life, hence why I post them. At times it is easier than writing long posts explaining the feelings about all that shit. I have been fucked over big time by that jerk, with his fake sweet talk. Found out the bitch he dumped me for is a gipsy and she is fucking ruthless, well she better not try anything as I can be a psycho too when I am angry and bloody angry I am.
He set me up for it......but he got it coming. I won't put it past him to call me in a month.....when we were just friends he acted like the guy in the PJ Harvey song, walking round his fucking garden lonely looking for a songbird after the bust up with the last women.....he would call and the classic line was 'I am lonely I have just split up with my girlfriend'. Mr Big was so full of sob stories about how money could not buy him happiness how he was looking for love and marriage.....money talks and bullshit walks indeed.....why bang on about his money to impress me? Then he moans women use him for his money and drugs.
Thinks shagging around makes him more of a man. Thinks sticking as much coke up his nose as possible and drowning as much vodka does too. He was bragging to the gipsy bitch 'Snow Queen'll tell you I am hardcore' bragging bout how much he sniffs. Told me once there was enough coke in his system to kill a normal person. Then told her tales about how many drugs we had done together. But he is good at manipulating women ok, the jerk. I am no longer sad just angry. Ok I am a bloody cokehead and done a lot of it but I don't brag and claim it makes me 'more of a woman'. Men on coke can be misogynistic and have inflated egos, as deep down they are insecure, they can't get it up cos they sniff too much and that brings out the misogyny. They tend to have deviant sexual fantasies too, and I admit that I am corrupted too. I've done things with these guys I would not have done straight. They have had the gear so have the power, plus we know it increases women's libido as much as mens. But women can perform.....men often have trouble hence they need viagra on top. As one guy put it when he was talking of some strong coke 'he had a mind like a rapist and a dick like an acorn'
If Mr----- calls back I will likely go but my attitude has changed. If a goldigga is what he so clearly likes, not someone real like me then I will be like that, he treated me as a hooker so I shall be as one and take no shit from him again. I played hard to get for ages and it was him calling me all the time, begging me to go round. He loves the chase, now the conquest is over he treats me like dirt. Offered him my heart and I get rejected for an ugly brainless anorexic looking crack whore gipsy with a tooth missing and who complimented me on looking ten years younger! Plus I have brains as well, all her conversation was about was heroin (showing off her trackmarks to me) and her ex idiot pimp. Fucking sob stories backstabbing bitch posing as my friend. He claimed to love my intelligent conversations....but if he prefers someone brainless who never questions him or contradicts cos she knows fuck all, just jumps when he says how high it is his loss.
But.....I am sick of all these guys. I will begin my book next week and I will start practising my music again, got my own version of Greensleeves with additional lyrics.