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Friday, 16 December 2011

Got some cash but blew it shopping. Summerboy aint called and am waiting on another damn contact not to let me down. I won't say much now but I feel like shit my moods are fucking volatile just want to feel better....heard an associate who I only met once died of alcohol and he was young. It looks like I am still relying on the kindness of strangers.

I am in a hostel full of smackheads, who I can relate to but am not on the same wavelength as people who wanna go down not up, it is doing my head in I want out but the house daddy won't let me move back out from feeling what is living like with my parents (when in my late 30s) unless he never sees me pissed and I do my best to be a good girl (room inspections etc all that shit that is like semi rehab) then he will ask the state to lend me some money towards my own place.

Fuck this. If I can rely on no man I have myself and won't give up, I will grovel to the State or no man when I have done no big harm. Someone tried to kill me, not vice versa. By March I will be self employed, paying my own taxes and will be employing an accoutant. I have resources talents and am now angry enough to use them with a vengeance.

If I want to do what I will I will, nobody can stop me I do as I will. As long as I hurt nobody, and have the full intention to not be a sponge then they can get off my back.

Fuck them!