Just when I think I am coping better, getting somewhere something happens to set me back.
I dunno why but I've been feeling pretty shitty these last few days. Just off, on a downer. But the finding of some money I didn't know I had helped, and I wasn't going to spend it until I had earnt it. I was not going to be stupid.
I can't blame other people, but this jerk...knew what he was doing. I should have just refused. But the paranoid crackhead was convinced I had ripped him. Never mind the first time I advised him not to ask me for crack, I don't like to get it for people. He was ripped, and I put it right. I wish I had not done it, so I said I won't again. He asked me again, I said I would not do it. He then asked me for powder. My normal guy wasn't on so I said I could not guarantee what the quality would be like, whether or not it would wash well or at all. It didn't. I said I don't fucking know, I don't wash it, and I made fuck all. So the twat asks me again, promises me a bag as well if I pay in kind and go and do it with him. For no other reason than to play with my head, he drove off.
Someone normal or more stable would have just gone home and stayed there. Someone with addictive tendencies would have gone back for the money for the gear. I did the latter. Oh well. Gear was ok, and at least I got some writing done. Better than remaining in a haze of depression like the one I have been in the last few days.
This place is getting to me. A lot of things have been, I've been dealing with a few issues that are painful. But it'll pass.
3 years ago