Came across another blog called 'Cocaine addiction kinda sucks', one I confess to having avoided for some time as it is too close to home.
But it does suck is the truth, nobody who has commented on my blog has found my life enviable in any way. I don't blame the drugs, the fact is I am a fuck up who chooses to cope with my alienation in that way. But something she said rang true....'cocaine and sex, true love and sex'...are the best things. I have never experienced the later, just the former. Easy to mistake it for love the night I felt I touched heaven, shagging when I was so high, with someone I thought I loved......will I ever get that feeling back again?
What I wish for and what I miss....I won't go on about. I just remember that one experience....when it felt I touched heaven, saw stars. The times I mourn....I can get high but nothing feels so amazing as good quality coke mixed with sex with someone you love...as for 'true love' I don't know what kind of love is true and what isn't.
It is a concept I have never understood....is it because it is abstract or because I have never had it? I don't want to upset myself dwelling on it.
4 years ago