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Wednesday, 11 May 2011

House of Snakes

By the time you read this I don’t know where I will be living. I am thankful to the sensible women here who have defended me against some vile accusations by a pair of stupid young girls. The first one went back to her man, but I hope she got a hiding she never will forget. Not that I normally wish it on anyone…but from what I did learn about her, the fact that she was paranoidly jealous and possessive over him, even when she was here supposedly hiding from him and had claimed to have split, besides the fact she would admit to having hit him as well as vice versa, told me it was a case of 50/50 rather than him being a predator, as could be said about my ex.

She was 21 years old, had only been with that one man and had a young son by him, and lived in a sheltered background. The staff here, knowing full well putting someone like her in the same flat with a person as old as me with all my life history and problems could have bad consequences, went and put us together anyway.

She posed as my friend, and confessed to me that she had been addicted to cannabis. Along with that she would bore me endlessly about her problems, by I would listen patiently, and taking her gesture of friendship at face value I told her things about myself. I omitted the sex work, but did mention the drugs, along with the story of my ex.

Knowing full well I had no home to go back to, this snake spread vicious rumours about me not only to the other women living here but also to the staff. I would allegedly sniff coke in front of her kid, along with all other kinds of untrue accusations and matters that were pure speculation, such as the fact I was a slut who had slept with loads of men. Well, considering she was 21 and I am nearing 40…and she knows fuck all about me, what does she expect? And that I left big bags of cocaine' for her brat to play with.....as if.

She made the excuse that she wanted to go back to him as it was ‘preferable to living with a drug addict’…when all I had in fact admitted to was taking drugs, not to being an addict. They saw through it as had living with me been so unbearable she could have swapped rooms with someone, but she declined that, obviously wanting to go back to her man and using my ‘immorality’ as an excuse.

The second flatmate, who posed as being a non judgemental person, found an empty wrap in the bathroom and showed it to the staff, who lied to me and said that the girl’s daughter had given it to them….hard to swallow indeed. I avoided that girl from then on, but it did not stop her vendetta. She told the staff I was a risk to her kids, and asked to be removed to another room. I felt even more isolated, as not being allowed visitors and having two nasty flatmates, plus the curfew and all the other inconveniences of living here, feeling like I am in an open prison when I have committed no crime but rather been the victim of one, made me wish I had my man back and was back where I was, as the hell I had there felt preferable to the hell I had here.

The staff said I would not be rehoused til I was strong enough to live alone again, not seeing that living in a place like this (when I had never asked to be here) was not making me stronger but weaker, making me ill and depressed. I had taken to drinking more heavily, and found myself getting poorer having nowhere to take clients. Lacking the safety of a place meant putting myself at risk getting in cars with strangers if my regs failed to call me. I was weakening, sometimes sleeping for 24 hours at a time, waking up every morning in tears. I had pleaded with the staff to make some effort to move me on, but it was going in one ear and out the other, however much I insisted my ex was no longer a threat to me.

Meanwhile, I had thought things were taking a turn for the better as the last bitch, after having her request for another room granted, left the kitchen filthy and out of spite put the washing machine back on at a high temp to try and destroy my clothes, fortunately not succeeding. I was given a new flatmate, but behind my back the staff searched a bag of mine and found something that should not have been there, a bit of paraphinalia left in my old place that was not even mine, which I had brought to be thrown away. I was given three days notice to leave.

I burst into tears and said I had wanted that for ages, why had I not been heard before, why had it come to that? Why were the staff listening to the fabrications of sheltered, spiteful young girls and taking them seriously? Why had they failed to put me on the council waiting list as promised? I was then given a lecture about drug use that I didn’t need or want. I put nobody or their kids here at risk…whatever I did was in private.

Meanwhile this morning I was spoken to like a piece of dirt by one of the council insisting that I had made myself intentionally homeless, and unless I agreed to take part in a halfway house with compulsory ‘treatment’ for a disease I have never accepted the existence of, or engage in abstinence from both drugs and alcohol, I can go on the street.

My friends won’t see me on the street, but I never wanted to be in this place. I was put here against my wishes, my benefit on my old flat was stopped….and now I have nowhere. Fuck this place and fuck the snakes who live here and the people who run this place who do nothing but lie to me.And fuck anyone who thinks they can judge or dictate my lifestyle, when all I do is in private and hurts nobody.