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Wednesday, 26 January 2011

He Blew It

My new start last year never happened. He did my money on sluts and drugs that I saw about five percent of, and he ended up overdosing. He had a break, and the man I fell in love with returned, not the psycho. I walked the streets to support both out coke habits, later my smack one too. But the work has been doing me in. I will be in either rehab or a madhouse soon if I do not get my depression fixed. I need a sympathetic doctor and a cpn. But I can't make Mr split personality change....I lost money on Monday cos I got a beating over mentioning 'Samantha' in the morning, the bitch who cost me more money than I wish to mention. I would not be living like this if not for that. I have no clean clothes to wear hardly and have no motivation for anything. I have come to the point where I know I need help....and I aint got cocaine psychosis, I wish I did have but the joke is I can't even get high, only calm down or prevent opiate withdrawals.

This is not life. But then I did not choose life....I chose something else. This is the result. Oh well, at least I am not shooting up.


  1. Hang in there, hope things turn around soon

  2. Is it bad that I get off on the idea of you walking the streets for drug money? I usually stick with girls who advertise online, but still, the thought that they might be whoring to pay the rent or for the next fix adds a deliciously dirty thrill to the fucking.

    Yeah, I know I'm messed up. Just thought I'd pass on my thoughts... Good luck with it all though!