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Thursday, 10 June 2010



How some see me...and saw her...former cokehead. I have become a laughing stock in the eyes of some men....and I no longer care.

I shall say something and the man have reached an understanding. He knows now.....and in less than two weeks time I shall no longer be a sex worker. All the abuse has been due to his inability to handle what I have done for a living. I
have plans...whore no more!

We have learnt to trust each other...and believe or not we do understand each other like nobody else can. As it has been mutual I shall have no more negative things to say about him here...our lack of funds and insatiability for 'loser dust' has been the cause of much of this grief...however hard it may be for people to understand I love him and he does love me....that is why my work has done his head in so. I am trusting him....purely because I know what is real. I know how it has been when he has simply shagged me and when he has made love to me...last night it was the former and for the first time in ages he said that he loved me while looking me in the eyes. If 'loser dust' has been a bond so be it...but I know and he knows there is something real, he knows he has been less than a paragon of virtue to me at times and despite his occasional protests to the contrary he knows he has hurt me....not that he ever intended to but simply because he is screwed up as I am...I have fallen too readily into the e victim/sub role and he so easy falls into the opposite.

It came to a head when he flirted with another woman blatantly in public with me and made me feel humiliated, small. The friend of mine who was present felt awful and so did another guy from what was my regular pub....The woman in question was my mates ex. My man was dumb enough to think it was all about her and him..I did not matter. My good friend told him a few home truths on the phone...and then he knew what he had done. He knows now that shagging random strangers is not the same for me as making love to...him. Last night he saw the difference at last....I am a forgiving loving person. I have kept my heart, despite my love for 'loser dust'...and the men who love it too. xx


  1. Having survived a square and good life with one man who then died, his loving me did nothing for me then. It is important to love yourself and learn to live despite all that you trust or love.

  2. I do hope and trust this works out for you so much. Life still sounds precarious, but you have managed to steer through some damn rough times.
    Get back to who you really are.
    A great observer and writer whose sensitivities and heartaches have had me in tears at times.
    Best wishes and keep on posting xx

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  4. Remember - all relationships are based on power. The good ones are based on equality of power. But I don't need to tell you that. Good luck - but keep up the blog though. You can write.