Well, thanks to the pitilessness of men I aint fucking earnt. This sleazebag came earlier and he had asked me twice on the phone my prices....I told him both times. He turned up......asked me again the prices...I told him a third time i.e care to pay? He said could he look I said if he paid me then we could relax...I give nothing for free. He then said oh I am a money person I said of course I am making a living here. I could see the hatred and contempt in this motherfuckers eyes.....I asked him settle up I am a very nice person he said he thought so hence why make him uneasy pukey bullshit I thought he sounded off his face......I said would he pay he asked did I smoke I said what tobacco cannabis though I knew what he meant....I bloody know when someone is wired so I said oh you mean crack he said of course and he could tell..I misled him....he travelled all this way and didnt know he was coming to see a crack whore...I nearly killed him....how did I mislead? And hell, I don't smoke that shit...the guy freaked me......this is why I can't hack it alone. The man who lived off me a few months back came he didn't seem to care just said get out of this I said how could he help me as I have helped him he said he was helping me because he gave me a bloody bag of coke at cost price (not profit) for once, I pleaded for mercy. The agreement was......I am pathetic but I thought those guys would protect me so we could support each others pathetic sad habits....as a result I aint earnt fuck all. Clear it don't matter so much to him but then he has goods I don't...I said a few things I felt and he said look in the mirror I was imagining projecting onto him insecurities....I just can't stop crying I should never have agreed to or suggested this work...hell, hell. It has made me see what some men are like, the contempt for women they hold...and I am one least easily spared....I aint cold can't cope alone...I was in bits last night as well....and he cares no more. He used to love me, really...now it feels he just wants to....I wish I knew what I'd done I never hurt him intentionally for the world...have mercy I keep begging him to...I told him the reason for my binges I listen to him...God spare me.