He showed last night...catch up later...but he didn't see the last post. Contemplating whether to delete or not (I said I'd delete...) Rotten day yesterday re money fucked up online now got to go out and earn...damn, but I could not face anyone I needed calm. Now I am back and ready...for the kindness or cruely of strangers. Left it late...God let fate smile on me tonight...for once in the last few weeks. Spare me, please, sorry I keep fucking up please make my life easier make it steadier I can bear this bad luck no more....let me take the judgement of men who would shag me while despising me on the chin....I never used to care so.....I just get sick of all being reduced to the fact I am a bloody whore, and the judgements that is why I am sick of being a whore it gets harder each day....not that I like the word, but hell, that's how they see me.....Spare me. Shit job ok but we gotta live....now let me put on a friendly smile fake it as I go out the door...had I posted online I could've avoided fucking streetwalking....but at least I aint in agony....spare me further agony......I don't want pity just be with me someone, but I know most of you on my side...to break the cycle I gotta earn....enough to get high for a bit without blowing all....I need a good week, make all happy. Then the task may begin, and may other things give, let that dude with the grand show up!