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Thursday, 8 April 2010

Go on Take Everything (Turns to Rape)

Sorry I aint written for some time....Ok it was my fault blowing my money on gear last week, point accepted there. But what is killing me that a fucked up incident occured on Monday that stopped me from working last week....I was essentially raped, not vaginally but orally by a 'client' who assumed I had been paid when I had not been. A man whose name, pseudo or otherwise I will not mention, set me up for this. Sad it took a fucked up incident like that to make him understand what this kind of thing does to me......work minus payment equals rape, and anybody who thinks you cannot rape a whore is mistaken.

I now am back to streetwalking....a fate I thought had gone but thanks to Monday's incident I could not work for a day, I kept seeing that man's face all the time. It was horrible and I am still crying now. Told my man that threats etc don't work...I am no good to him in the madhouse. This motherfucker I was subjected to on Mon started preaching 12 steps on me, abstinence etc while the hypocrite was sniffing coke with me....then said he wanted to see a 'normal girl' he could have fun and connect with, to which I replied he should not come to a hooker then, especially one who has not been paid. Don't ask me why I let this happen.......the truth is the person who wanted to 'help his mate' now feels awful himself for allowing me to be subjected to what amounted to oral rape, and that I am once again having to streetwalk due to the incident. I pray I earn enough to relieve my fucking agony...meanwhile I could have done with a night off all this. He said why don't I play my game, relax, I retorted how can I when he has left me with no money? Ok so I did his gear last night, but who can blame me after such a fucked up event? I said no more will I be passed from man to man like I am empty, a rubber doll, that I don't do what I do cos I am sex mad but cos I want the damned money...the only reason I was 'all over him like a rash' was because I was crying out for some genuine love and affection, not the coldness I get every day that means nothing to me, as I got tired of explaining...it is just sad it took this to make him understand that.

I have a plan...in two months I will stop this work. Not because I hate it all the time...if the clients are nice to me and don't idiotically blame all my problems on drugs (like the one on Monday did - when I was forced to explain it is not the drugs but men like him, I was happy until this work started to fuck up my personal life...but the guy was a twelve stepper. Trying the thirteenth on me was more than he bargained for.....I freely admit I do not want to stop the drugs and that discomforted him, rightly I think). Making out he knows me better than I know myself....at my age I can never slow down, feeding me all that claptrap, daring to lecture me after subjecting me to what amounted to sexual abuse. Ok, he did not know the situation, he was under the mistaken impression I'd been paid when I had not been.

Ask me why I still want to be with the man who allowed this to happen....all I can say is that he is deeply sorry. He won't let it happen again, and he is cured of the notion I am a sex maniac who loves shagging any man for the thrill of it. I am just saddened it took that to make him see, and that it has resulted in me streetwalking again. 'Take the night off, stop working, relax' - what am I expected to do, starve? Bloody mentioning my welfare....which I don't get for another two weeks....it may have been a thoughtless comment but still....it aint him who since Monday has been screaming each morning in despair...ok my binge last week may have been excessive, did not help...but Monday's incident did far more damage, believe me. The jerk asked me 'do I still enjoy sex' - to which I responded how dare he come out with the prejudice that whores are frigid. He also expressed 'surprise' at my intelligence - because of course whores are supposed to be dumb as well as frigid...oh, and ugly as well, he was also surprised I was pretty. Well, I've heard shit like that before from inexperienced clients.........but not to that extreme. I would not have agreed to it had I known that not only would I not be paid but that also I would be left alone all night with him - a man I had nothing in common with, not even paid for tolerating his company (and his cock in my mouth).

Wish me luck for tonight - I told someone I would give him the numberplates of the cars lest I end up bleeding in a gutter somewhere. Thank you Mr motherfucker from Monday - 12 step idiot. I don't think you'd be happy knowing what I am reduced to now thanks to your desire for a shag earier this week........Even if the fucked up situation wasn't entirely your fault I could've done without your 12 step nonsense...my distress was not cos of drugs but being stuck with your company and having your cock in my mouth...how dare you tell me that you felt 'no connection' with me when you normally do with one night stands....I am a prostitute for fucks sake what do you expect? Not only a prostitute but your mates 'bitch' as well for heaven's sake....I was crying cos the man I loved had thoughtlessly left me with you and I wanted him, not you, you bloody idiot, especially when I had not been paid even. I hope you are satisfied I am streetwalking once more, risking my life thanks to having your unwanted companionship - and more fool me for agreeing to it just to keep someone happy - who it took a near breakdown for him to finally get the picture.

Wish me luck for tonight....I will need it, to God I will. I was trying to progress but this has held me back yet again. Thank you jerk.

7 comments:

  1. Had that happen to me so many times I lost count Hate is my way of coping. Hating the bastards to death. I'm wishing you luck thinking of you, your streetwalking sister, FPM

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  2. Sad story. Good luck and best wishes for tonight.

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  3. Christ on a fucking cross girl, that is awful. Unfortunately for the male members of the species especially there are still some mouth breathing, knuckle draggers out there with absolutely no idea of how other humans operate.
    That whole dumb/frigid/ugly whore myth still exists and I see it around where I live.
    If it helps, I know you are a smart and strong woman.
    I wish you the best for tonight and for any other nights you have to go 'out there' x

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  4. Thanks for your kind words all of you. Fortunately I have a nice gentleman coming over in an hour, so let's hope my luck is good this weekend so I need not resort to the streets again, but I am far from complacent. What upset me so about that horrible incident is that not only did it make me unable to function or work for a few days but that it could have been avoided. FPM, I feel I hate the bastards to death at times too, and his words hurt me as much as what happened, Dan - the dumb/frigid ugly whore business, and how oh so flattering of him to tell me I was not 'what he expected' (i.e that). The man who brought him here in the first place told me that he had no idea he had not been with a prostitute before, had he known he would not have brought him. If only he had thought of that and not let being out of his nut cloud his judgement on the situation, not knowing the guy only had ten pounds in his pocket and thought I'd been paid. To be fair he wasn't all that happy when he knew that hadn't been the case, but he should have made sure of that, shouldn't he? And the 12 step nonsense got to me too, having to say it was not drugs upsetting me but HIM and men like him who buy into stupid myths and fail even to pay me. Ok, he'd put his cock in my mouth for free, so the least he could have done was lecture me about being a drug addict (which if he felt so strongly about what was he doing sniffing with me??)

    Fuck him and fuck them all, I started to feel just like FPM says how she feels, hatred and despair at all of the cheapskates, men with prejudice and all the other bad clients. I pray it will not happen again in the near future, and if I do end up having to go out there this weekend (which is not unthinkable as that event has caused me such a bad week) thanks for wishing me luck. Someone asked me to stop writing this blog - to which I responded where else can I talk about this, I have nobody to talk to about this shit, and I need somewhere to freely release it, I would go mad otherwise.

    I will write more later, meanwhile I hope things go well with this guy I am expecting round shortly.

    Love,

    Snow xxx

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  5. Typo lol....I meant least the jerk could have done was NOT lecture me about drugs and refrain from all that shit.....as if the rest of it had not been bad enough. Spk later xxx

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  6. That guy with the 12 steps should be fucked with a fake dick for double. There is nothing worse than having to put up with the self righteous anything. And the guy who put you in that situation; don't make excuses for anything he did. He's stupid and doesn't have the brains to know with you he is dealing with a real person.

    Hate? I'd figure out a way to make his life triple miserable for a short time!

    And, and, and, that one 12 step whippet should be cursed with finding a "normal" woman who gets the upper hand in his life and has 10 darling kids, so he has to work three jobs for 40 years and dies on the first day of his languid retirement.

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  7. True, Charlene, being in that fucked up situation in the first place was bad enough, but his self righteous shit just added insult to injury. Damn him.

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