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Monday, 12 April 2010


Pretty rotten comedown just now, partly due to a phonecall, and I bloody texted the very men who are likely to slam me for it...accuse me of pestering them blah blah...don't know why their fucking phones are down.

Good God, I must get a few hours sleep....and pray now somebody understands that what he said was not true...that I 'don't know who I am and have no self respect'. Was that true I wouldn't have been all that bothered about what happened lastt week, I would not have been screaming in despair for the following two days. I want to forget it so why can't I seem to leave it behind, why is it still tearing me up? I know....but then I don't know. I just want to talk to him is all.....his motherfucker of a lodger better not be giving him grief about me being a liability, no compassion, like he was the one set up for that kind of abuse. Shit, fuck. I don't know where to go with this, what to do.......and there is something I wish to God I could share on here but I can't because I am seriously afraid to, because he told me not to....perhaps I should directly spit it out and write to him directly as I am sick of carrying this bloody cross again.......go away you demons. It is so fucked up I end up feeling bitterness and resentment to people I don't even know simply because of how they may unwittingly or unwillingly affected my life, but there you go.

Night, or morning rather guys.. And you, put your phone on or call me, you fuckwit.


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  2. It is torture to be needing a friend to listen or comfort you, and they are for whatever reason cut off from you.

    The only thing that works is time. I have no solution to the problem, but the desperate need for them and their lack of response is something you cannot control. All you can do is be in control of your reaction to their silence.

    In time they will be at your door needing you. The way you react to this should be their way with you.

  3. In my experience that is how it generally is, it just isn't a nice feeling to be ignored in my experience. Of course they do come back at some point, when and why is another question, the one you can't control...