Somebody who called today (and failed to ring back, surprise), told me to enjoy the sunshine. Was I myself I would be, I'd be out there on the beach, maybe with a guitar. The fact I feel so down and the thing with him on the phone (I stopped being able to get through at all, now it is off) made me take another sleeper and just go back to bed on what is, weatherly speaking a nice day. With this heartache nothing can cheer me but all this to go away....I want the sun back in my life and in my heart. I want to get the money I need, make him happy in that respect at least, for now, then save whatever I can in order to get the hell out. I would never have opted for that work had I foreseen it would almost destroy what once was an affectionate, though not ideal, relationship, and turn someone who was once my best friend and my lover into the man I've written about recently. I don't like the man I've written about recently, although I empathise with his troubles at times I feel why should I he has none for mine and I want the one I used to know back, who would wake up next to me most mornings and greet me with a smile. I have seen very little of him for most of last week when he has bothered to come over, that has only been for a reason and it has been fleeting. Damn it all to hell.