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Tuesday, 2 March 2010

12 Step Hypocrisy - Part 1 - Abusive Men.

Last year I went to a support centre (typically run by the middle classes) for domestic violence victims. However, what mattered to them more was not the fact I was being terrorised by the man I was with at the time - but the fact I admitted to using cocaine once a fortnight (which was in all truth all I was using then). I was not allowed to attend their drama therapy groups because of this - due to the fact it was being co run by an addiction charity and had people on 12 step abstinence programs there. As if the very presence of a recreational user (which was what I was then) would corrupt these poor souls (who, surprise, were mostly male as the woman in charge admitted - so much for their burning desire to 'help' abused women!). Like I was going to take out a bag of coke at the end of each session and lead these people on the road to hell.

The bitch who interviewed me thrusted at me the number of 'cocaine anonymous', unsolicited. I flung it straight back at her, said I was not an addict (which I was not then, sniffing once a fortnight is hardly addiction, and I bet the stupid bitch herself was not averse to the occasional social drink) and I had objections to the 12 step groups. After attending a few of their meetings several years back I had two men attempt to sexually assault me and one succeed in actual abuse. I am not the first or the last - I shall go into more details later, but the thing itself is known among the inner circles of this vile cult as '13th stepping'. My readers will soon learn about the scam the whole so called 'treatment' industry is - religious snake oil and cultism posing as therapy, in which you have to surrender to a 'higher power' (i.e God) in order to quit drink or drugs - cos without having God substances will kill you, as you have a 'disease' called 'addiction'. A 'disease' which there is zero medical evidence of it's existence. I know why I take too many drugs - there are many reasons, compulsive behaviour being one, but it is not because I have some 'disease' that does not exist apart from in the minds of quacks, quacks who are funded by the State. I shall go into more detail later about how all the treatment industry ties in with the prohibiton racket - but in the meantime here is a great site I suggest your check out - http://www.orange-papers.org

The fact these snakes/charlatans have wormed their way into the battered wives movement is all the more despicable of them. Great chance for fucked up, predatory men to prey on vulnerable women. Not saying that all men who abuse substances are abusers - but more a case of abusive men being prone to substance abuse due to their underlying issues, and the 12 step ideology is perfect for men who are so used to denying responsibility for their actions. Eg....I didn't mean to beat my wife, it was the drink/drugs that made me do it. 12 step ideology tells these men that they are 'powerless' over their compulsion to drink or use.....so it follows that if they are powerless over that they are bound to be 'powerless' over their need to abuse women.

The middle class women who ran that charity had no idea.......and not only this they started prying into my financial circumstances, asking how could I afford to sniff coke etc (despite it was only then once a fortnight). It was none of their business, and I went there for help with an abusive relationship, not cocaine use. A woman asked if I needed help with budgeting my finances, like sure, someone like myself must be unable to do anything. The poor are stupid, and the fact I admitted to claiming benefit at the time added insult - like, ok, the State grant me so much which 'the law says I need to live on' then have the audacity to tell me how I should spend it! No way, Jose! Again, shove your 'help' where the sun will never shine.

I remember calling a domestic violence helpline some years back (anonymous of course) just because I needed someone to talk to as my then pimp was abusing me) - nothing I said mattered when I admitted to being not only a cocaine addict but a sex worker too. Damn the lot of them to hell. I wanted someone to listen - but all they had to say was 'call the police'. Anyone who knows anything about that world knows that a whore will not grass on a pimp if she values her life.

If anyone is to provide such services it should be people who know something about the subject. Services for sex workers should be run by women in that profession, not by middle class women employed by the same State who employs cops to harrass hookers. Services for drug users should be run by users.....and DV? It should at least be run by women who have had some experience of abusive relationships and are open minded enough to be understanding to women from all walks of life....not just battered housewives. Middle class men who have something to lose may respect the forces of law.....but criminals, drug dealers, pimps etc will not. I've known that for years, so are these people really so sheltered? God knows.

But what I do know is that it is an awful feeling to love someone yet be afraid of him at the same time, be in fear of your life even............I used to wonder why women went back for more from men who do this. Experience in all my years has taught me why. 'Nice', non abusive men never understand - that is why these relationships have more layers than is apparent. Abusive men understand abused women in a way nice men do not.....which keeps the cycle of abuse going. But I wish men would stop thinking I enjoy or like abuse - I do not enjoy it.

7 comments:

  1. Aah the 'treatment industry' and all it's underlying moral high ground, you know it and I know it girl.
    You are onto something which is very important to me as you have seen in my past posts. The 'user' or enthusiast is the one with the knowledge and the power to actually change those who wish for change, or show them how to do something in a safe way.Not those who believe you are possessed by some demon and need some form of exorcism.
    Peer education will win hands down in any situation and I am glad you recognise that (I had no doubt you ever thought any other way).
    An excellent post, know that I am with you all the way...x

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  2. Well said Dan, reading your post made me decide to start - this series will be updated.

    The trouble is with doing anything grassroots that is run by people who admit to using illegal drugs is fear of the law - which is partly why people like us have so little clout, and it is left to the upper middle classes to speak on our behalf. Those who help campaign against prohibition have my support though...but those who pretend to have our interests at heart yet support prohibition and the forces of law and order as one method to 'cure' us can fuck right off as far as I am concerned.

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  3. Thanks for the kudos.
    Yes the whole idea of the 'cure' and 'law and order' tends to rankle with me.
    For sure.
    I somehow doubt there would be many people out there in the throes of usage or addiction wh wake up one morning going, 'fuck, I'm breaking the law, I better get better.
    I'm all for supporting those who wish to stop but I will advocate until the day I die for safe drug usage, by that I mean using clean equipment, taking care of other health issues and making sure they do it safely.
    I will send you a link of a users group in Oz a mate of mine edits, it would be write up your alley, and they would pay you to write the very stories you share here.
    Stay well...

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  4. Thanks Dan, it'd be good to be in touch with them. You keep well too xx

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  5. I cannot - and will not - judge or advise anyone with a drug addiction, because I have never been through this: it would be very insensitive and even arrogant of me to do so. And these middle-class do-gooders are extremely arrogant and insensitive; who are they to advise or 'cure' you of something they know absolutely nothing about?

    As for returning to the abusive man: I know about this all too well, as there have been times when I have done this. It's the familiarity of the pattern of behaviour: he expresses remorse for the violence, I feel sorry for him, followed by the 'honeymoon' period where all is well, then tension starts to rise as he becomes more and more hostile, and then...well, you know the rest. The 'nice' guy is always on the sidelines, not being able to comprehend the dynamics of the relationship between an abusive man and his lady.

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  6. Like Rick James said, "Cocaine's a hell of a drug"!

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  7. Thank you Silky, I am familiar with the cycle, and the 'nice guy' indeed does not understand it, women more than men tend more to understand the dynamics.....towards the end of the relationship with my ex last year he would show tears, remorse, etc, but the honeymoon period in between would be rarer and rarer...My Hyde would be back within an hour. I got sick of it in the end.....promises to change then it become progressively worse. The man had a history of screwed up relationships, which he claimed in the beginning was because his exes 'did not understand him' or had hurt him etc, he was so good at playing the victim, and he was convincing. Only later did I realise the truth, and a chat with another of his exes confirmed what I knew about him, or felt. It was truly the most screwed up relationship ever, every book I read on abusive relationships could have been about him.....The man I am seeing now is far from perfect, as any readers will see from this blog, but I still say he is a saint compared with that other man.....

    Had a few nice guys try to rescue me from abusive relationships, they give up exasperated........I only left my ex when I began seeing my current guy, but had he not had that element of 'whatever' about him I probably would not have been so keen. I also notice that 'nice' guys tend not to be such good talkers, they never come accross as being so witty, knowing how to say the right things to appeal to women. So many men ask why are women attracted to bastards......I try to answer it as best as I can.

    Spot on about do gooders...they have not had an addiction so cannot understand, and nobody can unless they have had one. Simple. Therefore it is not their place to 'cure' anyone when they do not understand the roots of it.....few of these people truly care about drug addicts so it is cheaper just to feed them snake oil, the substitute addiction of religion, Karl Marx once commented religion is the opiate of the people and he was right in many ways. These days it is more television. But I shall write more on that later, as I said.

    Indeed organic, heaven or hell it can be!

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