I resolve to put last week behind me with it's unhappiness, the thefts, rip offs that resulted in a lonely binge the next day and stopped me going out on Friday. It is gone, it is behind me and was a lesson learnt. I just annoyed the hell with myself - as had I not been so dumb I could have in fact used the money I earnt, had I saived and put what I had there with what was in the bank - and obtained a decent amount of gear, saved more money that way.
Some drug users may find my attitude unusual - the fact I admit my lifestyle has been a choice, I don't follow the 12 step bullshit (more on that later) that tells me I am 'powerless' over what I put up my nose - it is my choice. People will notice that I seem unashamed, and that is because I really aint hurting anyone with my lifestyle, save for taking my own risks. Cutting down I intend to do.......but when I am good and ready. I'm hoping if I restore some happiness I may be ready...and I doubt I will meet my resolution of staying off from Monday until next Friday.....but I'll see how long I last, at least it is a goal. Maybe a day at a time might be easier...if I can go two days, Monday and Tuesday, that will be an achievement..as I have been bad lately. I get like this when I am at a low ebb...perhaps it is my way of getting over things, coping, but it comes to a point where I slow down. I know myself well.
3 years ago