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Monday, 22 February 2010

Rain



Good advice.....never let someone take you for granted and become complacent with you giving them what they want. Many men only want what they cannot have, or think they can never have. Keep something of yourself back....or you'll end feeling like I do. He held back...which enabled him to walk away when he decided seeing me was no longer in his interests. I don't hold back....and it is hard, if not impossible, to walk away.

I had a good enough weekend without him. , despite his promises to at least bother seeing me on my birthday. I should think myself better without him, the way he has treated me and all. But this doesn't mean it does not hurt, it hurts like hell, to be frank. I don't know how I can possibly not take drugs everyday simply to cope with getting through another day.....as everything looks so bleak. I wish I could find someone else I felt the same about....I could as I am not unnattractive. But never can I do this while there is still 'rain on my face'.

Spring is coming soon and how I wish there was someone to see it in with me....rather than just my miserable self. Perhaps I feel this way partly because I'm on a comedown....but hell, when my heart aint broken I don't get it this bad, nothing looks this black.

I have the occassional comfort, if I am in need of affection male friends could stay over, cuddle up without demanding sex (which I don't want right now lest it is for money) but it is not the same as having someone to come home to....or coming home. Who knows what the future will bring? Perhaps in three weeks time he will miss me, perhaps I might have moved on by then.....but it is unlikely.

2 comments:

  1. I've found that often after I get out of a relationship it's not so much that it hurts that they're gone it's that there is an absence in my life.

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  2. I'm actually fearful/ scared? to say something stupid as I haven't read your long blogs lately. I have to make a calculated approach cause I think you're too clever, its both a good and bad thing cause not too many guys may be willing to make that kind of approach. Good in that you can seperate the umm from the ummm. This is officially spam (thought that counts?) so keep up the posts

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