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Friday, 12 February 2010

Lessons....

There is always a lesson behind every woe....ok, so I was ripped off bad. But at least it means those junkies will be on my case no more begging for money to buy a fix or trying to sell me 2% proof coke (bashed to fuck in other words). It is just mean, rotten, extorting money off a prostitute...and to add to it, that bitch who bled me before due to my kind nature (see my 'open letter to a former friend, a heroin addict' post)denied she owed me money while I was on the phone to a mutual friend and actually laughed at me! Then she witnessed my nasty side (after which she probably sneered that I have 'cocaine psychosis' as she accused me of having before). I screamed down the phone how dare she call me a dirty whore (the mutual friend was they guy she shags for smack), and that if she truly wants me to kick her head in she is going the right way (all her self fufilling prophecies about the 'violence' of cocaine users etc). Heroin addicts may not be openly violent like cokeheads can be...but some, like her, have passive aggression down to a tee....Right now I will cross the road to avoid her to avoid being in the cells for assault.

This is why I've been quiet...as I have been hurt, again. Ripped off by smackheads who've lost their souls who have posed as friends, again. If anyone else whinges of needing a fix and begs me...they can turkey. They can go earn as I do. It is not the smack but them, the people, I do not blame the drug. I've had it from them, and I genuinely feel hurt after having it twice....from two girls. I was just getting over the first when a second girl who I thought was my friend went and did it too...and left me poorer, left me to have to earn on a Friday night when I had the offer of having fun with a mate I haven't seen in ages.......damn them both! I only have one female friend now (Mary) and although we may not have everything in common she is worth her weight in gold and hated to hear what those girls had done to me...with the help of their junkie boyfriends. Both of them do the prim and proper act, claiming they don't approve of women earning how I do....but my money is ok when you need a fix, hey, bitches? I fell for it because I don't have many female friends, girls can be bitchy....and I took them as genuine, being too blind to see all they live for is crack, smack, and in the case of the latest girl her junkie boyfriend (who introduced her to it so it seems). I was hurting because I truly liked that girl, took her offer of friendship for real...and I've had heartache plus the loss of money due to her confidence scam.

The first girl I wrote of has hardly any friends left.....the second one won't for much longer either if she keeps treating the friends she does have like this. I have to face facts....these girls have lost their souls to the beast. They no longer have hearts...all they live for is their next fix. I hate the saying 'never trust a junkie' - as I have always been good to my mates despite having been addicted in the past to heroin as well as cocaine. But with people this far gone...the saying is sadly true.

This explains why I haven't posted much this week....the fact I've felt a fool for being taken in, as well as depressed by it and out of pocket. But at least they are both out of my life....I just regret my Friday night being ruined, I could've got two grams and gone out dancing caught up with my mates and come back for a jam...instead I had to earn..and got grief from a client on top as I had the nerve to get high on a Friday night...fucker. I get sick of 'recovered' or 'recovring' addicts lecturing me I should not take drugs....should 'get a job', should get married, kids etc be 'normal'...I am fine as I am....earn how I can, party weekends, do my music, mu writing.....that is the life I want. They can go to hell....I am not ashamed of who I am, even if I am a mad, addicted whore so be it. Better that than the boredom that passes for normality in this fucked up world. I frighten people for not being ashamed....of the drug fiend ho that I am. Fuck them all....

2 comments:

  1. You know what? My sentiments exactly. Fuck 'em all. I've seen it, been in it and screamed at it.
    Whether one dwells in the state of abject addiction or has the occasional plug of hammer/line of toot it doesn't mean one need cross that line of responsibility and humanity.
    This rationalist almost wishes karma upon those who did that to you, but I suspect your prediction will come first. If she keeps doing that sort of shit her comeuppance will be swift.
    Hope your week improves considerably my friend. Come back and tantalize us with your words...

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  2. Uhm, some heroin addicts get totally evil and have psychosis...watch Anton on the documentary DiG!...there's never an excuse to be just plain evil or nasty...regardless of what someone's going through...I hope things start to turn out better for you

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