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Thursday, 14 January 2010

Tonight

No sign of any C and likely won't be til tomorrow....but more likely if I earn. Credit may not be on hand and neither of us have enough money. My friend aint shown and I can't stop in all night, the phone is dead. Spoke to Jason and I said I'd take a walk, he said go for it we are both broke and desperate. I don't like having to go out in the cold but if I don't we'll both remain skint and not be able to get high. I'm popping out to the off license first to at least get a couple of beers.

People who don't understand assume things are exploitative rather than mutual because I support or help support his habit as well as my own......it aint that simple. I make it clear what my limits are. I do that because I need back up as well as the need for company in what I do as well as affection etc, and C has the sexual element I've described. It must be hard for any guy to cope with how I earn so I feel the need to compensate, if I had a guy doing what I do (if he shagged other women for cash) I likely wouldn't say no to a piece of the earnings, especially if we both use and everything. Reason I write about it is because it is something I struggle with.....but hell, times are hard.

He wants more women on board for this business because he doesn't make enough money just dealing, only just supporting his own habit (let alone mine) and there comes to times like now when even that doesn't suffice, there is the question of debt and all else. Relying soley on me is not enough. If he can sort things out and stop sniffing profit away things may improve, perhaps having had some time off will result in less consumption, for both of us. Let's hope I get some money tonight. We both want to be able to get high without being broke all the time, and sort our lives out.

2 comments:

  1. You have to do what you have to do; see your problem, understand your struggle. I'm not judging, take care .

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  2. Thanks, Cold. I know you're not judging, thx for seeing I must do what I must. Damp, cold, foggy and dead out but did bring back a little money - better than nothing! xx

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