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Sunday, 31 January 2010

The Miseries of Parenthood

People are often surprised - especially men - when I am honest about the fact I do not wish to have children, and don't deeply regret the fact I have none. I suspect I may even be infertile....but it does not cut me up the way it might some women. I have never gone all soppy over babies and toddlers the way I've seen some females.

This may not be 'normal' either - it goes against the grain of what society expects from women as a whole. Motherhood is still often believed to be our biological destiny, the highest thing we can aspire to etc. My ex pressured me about was the experience of that vile man - who was a crap father to the son he did have, abused me in his presence and all, that partly made me decide I never want them. In his view women who were mothers deserved respect, as bringing up a brat is hard work. It may well be....but what is so praiseworthy or inherently noble about just having sex? Which is how kids are made, after all. If shagging is noble then whores would get medals.....instead women like me are frowned upon. But women are some
times forgiven for prostitution if it is to feed their support yourself or a guy you hook up with? Unforgivable, a tart who has no kids nor wants them!

I don't give a damn about any of it. I know some parents.....and for some people parenting is as much of an escape as drugs are. Their lives revolve around their brats, they talk of little else. As if reproduction is the be all and end all, making them inherently superior. As if dropping a kid is unique to them, and their brat is better than anyone elses. Often these types subconsciously see their children as extensions of themselves....they are just as self obsessed deep down as people who are openly self centred. Talking about their brats compensates for talking about themselves, and they believe having kids makes them unselfish, selfless even. Nobody is selfless. Even those who do sometimes put others before themselves expect some return, even if it be affection, gratitude, the love of the other person, friendship etc. I know because I've done it and still do. This doesn't make me nasty or manipulative - nor does it mean I have no genuine love for my friends, don't worry about them..... I just don't kid myself that I ever give without the hope of any return, even if the return is not material.

People do live off, feed off each other - that is the nature of existence. People are social beings, no person is an island. People are sometimes held up as pedestals of self sacrifice....the prime example that springs to my mind would be Mother Teresa of Calcutta. That woman was not as much of a Saint as one assumes. She had a horrible attitude towards women who do not want children, and accused women who have ever used contraception or had an abortion as being 'incapable of love'. What rot.....anybody who knows me would tell you I am a very loving person, what a big heart I have. Face it, the Albanian dwarf received something for all her actions - the feeding of her large ego and the love of the world's rich and famous. She did fuck all to challenge the causes of the poverty that surrounded her.......openly admitted she only wished to deal with the symptoms. What place would there be for a social parasite like her in a world without poverty? She was saccharine......patronising the recipitents of her charity in such a condescending manner, banging on about what a virtue their involuntary poverty was and everything. I'm sure it was a 'virtue' they would have rather done without. Let them speak for themselves. Anyone who wants to read more about this leech should search Christopher Hitchens, I am with him on that one. Anyone who preaches that people should bring children into a life of poverty and squalor, then praises the poor souls for being 'virtuous' because their parents did not believe in contraception......what more needs to be said?

To bring children into the kind of environment I live in would be an act of cruelty. I struggle to maintain and look after myself, let alone a child. I have my problems, why do people often think I should wish to be burdened with a dependent on top of all else? I already have to deal with men who have never grown up. Parenthood is a destiny I can do without. I've seen mothers who live a life of monotony and routine - their lives revolve around getting the kids out of bed for school, ensuring you feed and dress them before they go, planning what they are having for dinner, what toys to buy them, what to do with them weekends, what time they go to bed. Then you are compensated with a bit of daytime telly, or nod out in front of the box at night in exhaustion. Another day, but not another dollar. What I wrote may be a bit of a stereotype - but I've known people like that. I get sick to death of my clients or tricks asking do I have kids, do I want them, if not why not. I get sick of people looking at me like I am a freak when I admit not wanting them. A guy last night said 'now would be the right time for me to have them, the age I am....'. No it aint....the right time for me to have kids is never. The only regret I have is my own mother, as I remember how badly she wanted grandkids, but she's resigned herself to the fact it aint gonna happen. That guy last night conceded that my arguments against myself reproducing could not really be challenged, and ended praising me for my honesty about the matter. It would be irresponsible of me to want to have children and damn the cost on the person I bring into my world. Deciding not to have children is a responsible and mature decision on my part. Immature and childlike I may be in many ways....but not in that way.

When I was younger I did want children......and in hindsight I see it was an attempt to compensate for what I perceived I lacked in myself. I was riddled with self doubt and believed parenthood to be a way of giving my life and myself some meaning, creating and making something I could look at and say...there it is, mine! I think this is the reason behind many people's desire to reproduce, their obsession with it....even if they don't admit it to even themselves. I have grown up since and come to accept myself more as who I am.....and have lost that perceived need to continue my genepool. I am glad, it is a weight off my shoulders.


  1. Couldn't agree with you more. I could imagine if I did have a baby, being labelled a loon would mean the SS would poke their noses in!

  2. Exactly, same feelings here. Any child I have would only suffer from the labels placed on me.....came accross a woman who was an ex smackhead and sex worker and could not forgive herself because of social stigma. I told her to develop my attitude and stop caring so for what people thought - as health officials had not been sympathetic etc. She said it was hard not to as she had children who had suffered....went for marriage and kids with a man who became abusive, used her past against her. At least I've been spared from the fate of having dependents who suffer from people casting stones at me.....,,,

  3. Attacking Mother Theresa and children in the same blog? I'm impressed. I agree that women shouldn't just be destined to have babies. Everyone should have the right to self determination. Your life your choice.

  4. Lol Christopher, I do tend to be controversial! It isn't children I attack, if anything I get along with kids....if they are other people's and have reached an age when they can hold a conversation! What I am attacking is the mentality that views it women's destiny to have children, that it is the right thing to do etc. Even you said destined 'just' to have babies lol - although I agree some people have to else the human race would die out, it just aint for everyone to reproduce, especially when there is overpopulation anyway. Maybe there will come a day when people can be produced in test which case the experience of reproduction, pregnancy etc will be only for those who really want the experience...and not everyone does!